Another FREE Chapter of A Simple Guide.....

ASG  # 11

The Person We Lie To The Most Is Ourselves.

I'm stupid.
I'm not good enough.
I'll never be good enough.
I can't do that.
I'll do that wrong.
Nobody likes me.
Nobody loves me.
I'll never amount to anything.
I'll always be left out.
I'll never have anyone.

We don't intentionally set out to lie to ourselves. We somehow have just embraced the idea that it's better to believe you can't than to believe you can.
Sometimes the idea came from what we heard growing up. Maybe someone whose opinion we valued told us these things. Maybe their intention was to protect us, to keep us from getting our hopes up too high and being disappointed; maybe their intention was to hurt us. Maybe somewhere in our lives we learned that if we believe really positive things about ourselves then we might start thinking we're better than others, or as I heard growing up, we might get the "big head". Wherever we learned to doubt our personal worth, this lie of all lies must go. What's at stake here is our very lives.

Since life tends to work much better when there's more truth running our lives than lies, let's take a moment and look at each of the lies I began with:

LIE: I'm stupid.
TRUTH: I do some stupid things sometimes.

LIE: I'm not good enough.
TRUTH: There are many things I do very well.

LIE: I'll never be good enough.
TRUTH: I am already good enough.

LIE: I can't do that.
TRUTH: I can't do that yet, but I will choose to learn to.

LIE: I'll do that wrong.
TRUTH: I might do it wrong, but I won't know until I try. If it turns out that I do it wrong, I will choose to try again.

LIE: Nobody likes me.
TRUTH: Somebody likes me, but I don't like them so they don't count.

LIE: Nobody loves me.
TRUTH: I want to be loved a certain way. No one loves me in the only way I am open to receiving love.

LIE: I'll never amount to anything.
TRUTH: I don't know this yet. The odds are astronomically in my favor that I will do something positive with my life.

LIE: I'll always be left out.
TRUTH: I may feel left out now and I will do whatever it takes for me to learn how I can be with others in a healthy and positive way.

LIE: I'll never have anyone.
TRUTH: I know there's a lid for every pot and that includes me. Just because I don't have my lid right now doesn't mean I never will.

Here's a last one to consider. Give up this lie, embrace the truth, and see your life change for the better:

LIE: I lie to myself.
TRUTH: I know this isn't in my best interest and I choose to work on telling myself my truth. I trust that I can do this and I trust me.


The Wisdom of Truth or Consequences


©Dr. Karen McCleskey

Word for the Week: ENTHUSIASM! (wk. 3=Jan. 18, 2010)

Well, once again, the word drawn is no accident. I've been so enthusiastic this week about working on finalizing the 2010 workshop schedule, learning how to better use the email program (there's truly a HUGE learning curve for me...), learning so much about technology,and, of course, looking forward to seeing "repeat attenders" and to meeting new folks at the workshops. In fact, I've been so darn Enthusiastic for the last several days that this word for the week is more like the word for the mid-week!

Here's a question for you (it's not a trick question): Who's more fun and pleasant to be around? Someone with zest, passion, excitement, and eagerness or someone you suspect may be Eeyore in disguise? Also, guess which person is "better" for you? (see next paragraph...)

Because feelings are contagious, it's in our best interest physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually to "pick up" positive feelings and to stay clear of negative feelings.
Think about it: how do you feel after spending time with someone who's upbeat, excited, and passionate about something? Probably better than you feel after you spend time with someone who dreads everything, looks forward to nothing, and hasn't been excited or eager about anything since God made dirt. Enthusiasm is contagious. It's definitely something we want to "catch." And, it's definitely something we want to spread. Just as other peoples' feelings can affect us, our feelings can impact others. People tend to move toward folks who are enthusiastic about life and people tend to move away from folks who lack enthusiasm. I don't know about you, but I vote for being a person others tend to move toward.

Here's a good question to contemplate this week: Is there at least 1 thing I feel excited, passionate, eager, and Enthusiastic about? If there's not, you've GOT to find it. Just 1 thing.
Only 1 thing. And that 1 thing has the power to change your life in so many positive ways. Becoming an Enthusiastic person can begin with finding that 1 thing.

Just as Enthusiasm is contagious, so is the lack of it. Will you make a committment this week to begin spreading just a bit of Enthusiasm? If you already do this, will you make a committment to spreading just a bit more? Why is this so important? It's very simple: your Enthusiasm has the power to change the world and you in more positive ways that you can imagine.

Time to close now. Here are two quotes that really speak to our Word for the Week:

If you're not getting as much from life as you want to, then examine the state of your enthusiasm.
Norman Vincent Peal

Age may wrinkle the face, but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
Danish Proverb

As always, I truly hope you find something helpful to you in this post.

And, as always, thanks for taking a moment of your time to read the posts.

Enthusiastically, :-)

Karen

Word for the Week: Balance (wk 2=Jan. 11, 2010)

It's quite humbling for me to draw Balance as the word for this week. Once again, I don't think it's a coincidence drawing this word. Probably like many of you, I've struggled through the years with Balance issues. Many, many times, though, I had no idea that what I was struggling with was about Balance. I called it many other things like anger, resentment, stressed, maxed out, overloaded, overworked....I think you get the picture. I think that what we call something influences what we do with the thing. For example, when I used the word "stressed" to describe the issue I was dealing with, I actually became more stressed. We all have a tendency to try to describe or explain issues with labels, not realizing that the incorrect label we use can have quite a negative influence on us. Think about this example: if you're out walking and up ahead you see a long, kind of slender thing on the road and it's not moving, you will decide pretty quickly if it's a snake or a stick. If you decide it's a snake, you will make one decision; if you decide it's a stick, you will make another decision. (btw, it's better to think a stick is a snake than to think a snake is a stick.) All of this brings us back to the word Balance. Once I "got it" that I actually wasn't angry or any of the other labels I used, then I could see that the real issue was around Balance.


If you will stop just for a minute and look at troubling issues in your life, you may discover that what you think is going on really isn't, but rather the issue is around Balance. Knowing what is really going on is very liberating because NOW you can deal with the truth. For example, there's a big difference between anger and being out of balance. If you are out of balance, the choices are very different than the ones you will have if you are angry. If I am constantly angry because my neighbor seems to always get me to do things I really don't have time for, then the issue is a Balance one, meaning that I am out of Balance around the issue of setting appropriate boundaries. Once I set appropriate boundaries with my neighbor, I will feel much more in Balance and probably less angry.


There are so many things for us to be out of Balance around: money, family of origin relationships, work, sex, the children, health, the book club, significant other, exercise... The truth is that we can become out of Balance around anything.


Here's something to think about: when you are struggling with something, first ask yourself this: Is this an area where the truth is that I am out of balance? If the answer is yes, you now have information that will, if you choose, help you restore the Balance.


One last thing about Balance: it's never about things being 50/50. The best example here is a personal one. As many of you know, I was really sick for quite a while and ultimately had surgery. During this time, the relationship between my partner and me was definitely not 50/50. It was more like 90/10; then as I improved a bit, it was closer to 80/20. As it moved more toward my being able to do more and more things, the ratio continued to change. Then my partner's grandfather died and it became 90/10 in the other direction for a while.


My point is that being in Balance will mean different things to different people. In my opinion, Balance is pretty much about being happy. If there's something you're just basically not very happy with, my hunch is that something is most likely out of Balance around that area. All I know is that the more in Balance my life is, the better I do and feel.


I hope a bit of this has been helpful. That's truly my goal.


I liked closing with a quote last week, so here's the one to go with Balance, our word for the week:


To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short.
--Confucius

Thanks for taking a minute to read my posts.

I wish you the gift of being in Balance.

Karen





--- Confucius

Word for the Week: Purpose (wk 1=Jan. 4, 2010)

Welcome to the first Word for the Week post. Here's how this will work: every week of 2010 we'll have a Word for the Week along with some things to ponder and reflect on about the week's word. If you're wondering how the words will be selected, here's what I decided to do:
I have a pack of cards called Angel Cards. On each little card, there's a word; not just a regular word like dog or car or people, but "make you think" words, such as Purpose (this week's word), Kindness, Joy, Strength. Each week I will draw a card, see what the word is, and that will be our Word for the Week.
If you're interested in the Angel Cards, I have no idea where I got them, plus I've had them for a very long time, but I think you could Google Angel Cards and something would show up.

PURPOSE

I don't think it's just chance that the first card drawn was PURPOSE. This is a word that so many of us are focused on right now because a new year is beginning and we tend to make New Year's resolutions that reflect our purpose, whether we know it or not. There are so many books out that deal with purpose in some way, and...think about it: how many of Oprah's shows deal with purpose :-)!

Most people really do want to know many things about purpose, like What's my purpose in life? Does my life have a purpose? Does what I do have purpose? Am I living my life in line with my purpose? How can I discover my purpose? Am I living on purpose?

If you've ever asked yourself these questions or ones like them, you know these are not easy questions and you know that questions like these can apply to different parts of our lives. My "purpose" question related to the "work" part of my life turned out to be "Is this what I'm supposed to be doing with my life?" Very scarily to me, the answer was consistently "NO". Trust me, I wasn't happy with this knowledge because it meant I would either have to do something about it or I would have to ignore it. Trust me again, I don't advocate ignoring your answers to questions about your purpose. So....... after much thoughtful reflection, talking with my partner, meditation, prayer, and therapy, I came to the decision that I would make the choice to do something about it. The decision I chose to make was resigning from my full time faculty position as a counselor educator so that I could focus on what I believe is more in line with what I believe I'm supposed to be doing with my life: continue teaching, but just doing it in a different way, like presenting workshops, seeing clients, supervising, consulting, writing, doing more of what I REALLY want to do and doing it full time instead of part time, as I'd done before.

Have you ever felt really happy and really scared at the same time? If you have, then you know exactly how I'm feeling right now. I am confident that the happiness will continue to grow and the fear will continue to shrink.

It's the beginning of a new year of your life and every day you wake up is the beginning of your life. I hope you will reflect on and contemplate the word PURPOSE and how it is and isn't in your life. I wish you courage in making any changes you believe you need to make. Don't let fear win.

I'm ready to wrap up the first word of the week blog. I don't know if I'll do this every week, but definitely for today I'd like to close with a quote. It's by the Dalai Lama:

"The purpose of our lives is to be happy."

Thanks for reading. I hope you'll return often, and if it feels right, share this with friends.

I truly wish you the knowledge of your purpose and great happiness and joy.

Karen